Indecisive

I tried to tell him how I felt
But he already knew
And he didn't care
Because I made him not care
And it's only fair he treats me the way he does

I tell him about my guilt
He tells me to let it go
Because he's trying to too

It wasn't much
And it wasn't for long
But it was his first
And that makes it all the worse
Because I gave him hope
When I didn't even have any

I was never certain
About anything
Even my own opinions
Because I was
And am indecisive
And that irritates him

And I ask him if we are really friends
Which frustrates him
And I won't stop apologizing
And that makes him stop listening

Sometimes I break down and cry
And I want someone to care
Because I crave attention
Since I am human
But I have done too much wrong
To ever make this right

I am full of regret
And I tell him again I am sorry
And he sighs like he regrets too
By letting us be friends again
But I hope he never does
Because I cried tears of joy
When he told me he missed talking to me
Because I missed talking to him too

And now in the pit of stomach I ache
I want to fill the void
But I can't drink
Because it will lead to my downfall
And I can't hurt myself
Because I made a promise
And I can't just stop
Because life goes on

And maybe one day I will tell him more
Since I have never told him everything
Because when I try I get nervous and stammer
But then again maybe I won't
Because life goes on
And people pass through our lives
Even if we want them to stay
Or am not sure
©Sabrina628